Wednesday, February 15, 2017
DEMENTED DOCTOR THREATENS THE FREE WORLD
PLANET EARTH (KBB) - In a message broadcast across the globe, it has been revealed that Dr. Cube has launched a new world conquest initiative using the time traveling capabilities of Super Dimensional Slug One to disrupt the space-time continuum.
Unauthorized use of time travel abilities has long been banned by intergalactic treaties; the governments of Earth have announced that they will pursue action against the doctor, including but not limited to "shaking of heads while offering words of light condemnation." Their hope is that by presenting Cube with such punishment, he will back down from his planned attacks on major cities throughout time. If not, further actions are possible, including "frustrated social media posts" and "uninviting Cube from upcoming birthday parties."